2019 in the rearview

2019 was a very busy year for us. I hadn’t realised how busy it was until I sat down to write this post. There’s also some moderately heavy stuff in here – if you have topics that trigger you, perhaps make sure you have spoons before reading.

We had all the usual stuff. Movies – my top two were Alita and Abominable though the Laundromat and Ford v Ferrari were both excellent and moving pieces. I introduced Cynthia to Teppanyaki and she fell in love with having egg roll thrown at her face hole.

When Cynthia started school we dropped gymnastics due to the time overload – we wanted some downtime for her to process after school, and with violin having started that year she was just looking so tired after a full day of school we felt it was best not to have anything on. Then last year we added in a specific learning tutor to help with the things that she approaches differently to the other kids in her class, giving 2 days a week of extra curricular activity after we moved swimming to the weekends.

At the end of last year she was finally chipper and with it most days after school, and she had been begging to get into more stuff, so we all got together and negotiated drama class and Aikido.

The drama school we picked, HSPA, is pretty amazing. Cynthia adored her first teacher there, and while upset at a change when they rearranged classes slightly, is again fully engaged and thrilled with her time there. Part of the class is putting on a full scale production – they did a version of the Happy Prince near the end of term 3 – and every student gets a part, with the ability for the older students to audition for more parts. On the other hand she tells me tonight that she wants to quit. So shrug, who knows :).

I last did martial arts when I took Aikido with sensei Darren Friend at Aikido Yoshinkai NSW back in Sydney, in the late 2000’s. And there was quite a bit less of me then. Cynthia had been begging to take a martial art for about 4 years, and we’d said that when she was old enough, we’d sign her up, so this year we both signed up for Aikido at the Rangiora Aikido Dojo. The Rangiora dojo is part of the NZ organisation Aikido Shinryukan which is part of the larger Aikikai style, which is quite different, yet the same, as the Yoshinkai Aikido that I had been learning. There have been quite a few moments where I have had to go back to something core – such as my stance – and unlearn it, to learn the Aikikai technique. Cynthia has found the group learning dynamic a bit challenging – she finds the explanations – needed when there are twenty kids of a range of ages and a range of experience – from new intakes each term through to ones that have been doing it for 5 or so years – get boring, and I can see her just switch off. Then she misses the actual new bit of information she didn’t have previously :(. Which then frustrates her. But she absolutely loves doing it, and she’s made a couple of friends there (everyone is positive and friendly, but there are some girls that like to play with her after the kids lesson). I have gotten over the body disconnect and awkwardness and things are starting to flow, I’m starting to be able to reason about things without just freezing in overload all the time, so that’s not bad after a year. However, the extra weight is making my forward rolls super super awkward. I can backward roll easily, with moderately good form; forward rolls though my upper body strength is far from what’s needed to support my weight through the start of the roll – my arm just collapses – so I’m in a sort of limbo – if I get the moment just right I can just start the contact on the shoulder; but if I get the moment slightly wrong, it hurts quite badly. And since I don’t want large scale injuries, doing the higher rolls is very unnerving for me. I suspect its 90% psychological, but am not sure how to get from where I am to having confidence in my technique, other than rinse-and-repeat. My hip isn’t affecting training much, and sensei Chris seems to genuinely like training with Cynthia and I, which is very nice: we feel welcomed and included in the community.

Speaking of my hip – earlier this year something ripped cartilage in my right hip – ended up having to have an MRI scan – and those machines sound exactly like a dot matrix printer – to diagnose it. Interestingly, having the MRI improved my symptoms, but we are sadly in hurry-up-and-wait mode. Before the MRI, I’d wake up at night with some soreness, and my right knee bent, foot on the bed, then sleepily let my leg collapse sideways to the right – and suddenly be awake in screaming agony as the joint opened up with every nerve at its disposal. When the MRI was done, they pumped the joint full of local anaesthetic for two purposes – one is to get a clean read on the joint, and the second is so that they can distinguish between referred surrounding pain, vs pain from the joint itself. It is to be expected with a joint issue that the local will make things feel better (duh), for up to a day or so while the local dissipates. The expression on the specialists face when I told him that I had had a permanent improvement trackable to the MRI date was priceless. Now, when I wake up with joint pain, and my leg sleepily falls back to the side, its only mildly uncomfortable, and I readjust without being brought to screaming awakeness. Similarly, early in Aikido training many activities would trigger pain, and now there’s only a couple of things that do. In another 12 or so months if the joint hasn’t fully healed, I’ll need to investigate options such as stem cells (which the specialist was negative about) or steroids (which he was more negative about) or surgery (which he was even more negative about). My theory about the improvement is that the cartilage that was ripped was sitting badly and the inflation for the MRI allowed it to settle back into the appropriate place (and perhaps start healing better). I’m told that reducing inflammation systematically is a good option. Turmeric time.

Sadly Cynthia has had some issues at school – she doesn’t fit the average mould and while wide spread bullying doesn’t seem to be a thing, there is enough of it, and she receives enough of it that its impacted her happiness more than a little – this blows up in school and at home as well. We’ve been trying a few things to improve this – helping her understand why folk behave badly, what to do in the moment (e.g. this video), but also that anything that goes beyond speech is assault and she needs to report that to us or teachers no matter what.

We’ve also had some remarkably awful interactions with another family at the school. We thought we had a friendly relationship, but I managed to trigger a complete meltdown of the relationship – not by doing anything objectively wrong, but because we had (unknown to me) different folkways, and some perfectly routine and normal behaviour turned out to be stressful and upsetting to them, and then they didn’t discuss it with us at all until it had brewed up in their heads into a big mess… and its still not resolved (and may not ever be: they are avoiding us both).

I weighed in at 110kg this morning. Jan the 4th 2019 I was 130.7kg. Feb 1 2018 I was 115.2kg. This year I peaked at 135.4kg, and got down to 108.7kg before Christmas food set in. That’s pretty happy making all things considered. Last year I was diagnosed with Coitus headaches and though I didn’t know it the medicine I was put on has a known side effect of weight gain. And it did – I had put it down to ongoing failure to manage my diet properly, but once my weight loss doctor gave me an alternative prescription for the headaches, I was able to start losing weight immediately. Sadly, though the weight gain through 2018 was effortless, losing the weight through 2019 was not. Doable, but not effortless. I saw a neurologist for the headaches when they recurred in 2019, and got a much more informative readout on them, how to treat and so on – basically the headaches can be thought of as an instability in the system, and the medicines goal is to stabilise things, and once stable for a decent period, we can attempt to remove the crutch. Often that’s successful, sometimes not, sometimes its successful on a second or third time. Sometimes you’re stuck with it forever. I’ve been eating a keto / LCHF diet – not super strict keto, though Jonie would like me to be on that, I don’t have the will power most of the time – there’s a local truck stop that sells killer hotdogs. And I simply adore them.

I started this year working for one of the largest companies on the planet – VMware. I left there in February and wrote a separate post about that. I followed that job with nearly the polar opposite – a startup working on a blockchain content distribution system. I wrote about that too. Changing jobs is hard in lots of ways – for instance I usually make friendships at my jobs, and those suffer some when you disappear to a new context – not everyone makes connections with you outside of the job context. Then there’s the somewhat non-rational emotional impact of not being in paid employment. The puritans have a lot to answer for. I’m there again, looking for work (and hey, if you’re going to be at Linux.conf.au (Gold Coast Australia January 13-17) I’ll be giving a presentation about some of the interesting things I got up to in the last job interregnum I had.

My feet have been giving me trouble for a couple of years now. My podiatrist is reasonably happy with my progress – and I can certainly walk further than I could – I even did some running earlier in the year, until I got shin splints. However, I seem to have hyper sensitive soles, so she can’t correct my pro-nation until we fix that, which at least for now means a 5 minute session where I touch my feet, someone else does, then something smooth then something rough – called “sensory massage”.

In 2017 and 2018 I injured myself at the gym, and in 2019 I wanted to avoid that, so I sought out ways to reduce injury. Moving away from machines was a big part of that; more focus on technique another part. But perhaps the largest part was moving from lifting dead weight to focusing on body weight exercises – callisthenics. This shifts from a dead weight to control when things go wrong, to an active weight, which can help deal with whatever has happened. So far at least, this has been pretty successful – although I’ve had minor issues – I managed to inflame the fatty pad the olecranon displaces when your elbow locks out – I’m nearly entirely transitioned to a weights-free program – hand stands, pistol squats, push ups, dead hangs and so on. My upper body strength needs to come along some before we can really go places though… and we’re probably going to max out the hamstring curl machine (at least for regular two-leg curls) before my core is strong enough to do a Nordic drop.

Lynne has been worried about injuring herself with weight lifting at the gym for some time now, but recently saw my physio – Ben Cameron at Pegasus PhysioSouth – who is excellent, and he suggested that she could have less chronic back pain if she took weights back up again. She’s recently told me that I’m allowed one ‘told you so’ about this, since she found herself in a spot where previously she would have put herself in a poor lifting position, but the weight training gave her a better option and she intuitively used it, avoiding pain. So that’s a good thing – complicated because of her bodies complicated history, but an excellent trainer and physio team are making progress.

Earlier this year she had a hell of a fright, with a regular eye checkup getting referred into a ‘you are going blind; maybe tomorrow, maybe within 10 years’ nightmare scenario. Fortunately a second opinion got a specialist who probably knows the same amount but was willing to communicate it with actual words… Lynne has a condition which diabetes (type I or II) can affect, and she has a vein that can alter state somewhat arbitrarily but will probably only degrade slowly, particularly if Lynne’s diet is managed as she has been doing.

Diet wise, Lynne also has been losing some weight but this is complicated by her chronic idiopathic pancreatitis. That’s code for ‘it keeps happening and we don’t know why’ pancreatitis. We’ve consulted a specialist in the North Island who comes highly recommended by Lynne’s GP, who said that rapid weight loss is a little known but possible cause of pancreatitis – and that fits the timelines involved. So Lynne needs to lose weight to manage the onset of type II diabetes. But not to fast, to avoid pancreatitis, which will hasten the onset of type II diabetes. Aiee. Slow but steady – she’s working with the same doctor I am for that, and a similar diet, though lower on the fats as she has no gall… bladder.

In April our kitchen waste pipe started chronically blocking, and investigation with a drain robot revealed a slump in the pipe. Ground penetrating radar reveal an anomaly under the garage… and this escalated. We’re going to have to move out of the house for a week while half the house’s carpets are lifted, grout is pumped into the foundations to tighten it all back up again – and hopefully they don’t over pump it – and then it all gets replaced. Oh, and it looks like the drive will be replaced again, to fix the slumped pipe permanently. It will be lovely when done but right now we’re facing a wall of disruption and argh.

Around September I think, we managed to have a gas poisoning scare – our gas hob was left on and triggered a fireball which fortunately only scared Lynne rather than flambéing her face. We did however not know how much exposure we’d had to the LPG, nor to partially combusted gas – which produces toxic CO as a by-product, so there was a trip into the hospital for observation with Cynthia, with Lynne opting out. Lynne and Cynthia had had plenty of the basic symptoms – headaches, dizziness and so on at the the time, but after waiting for 2 hours in the ER queue that had faded. Le sigh. The hospital, bless their cotton socks don’t have the necessary equipment to diagnose CO poisoning without a pretty invasive blood test, but still took Cynthia’s vitals using methods (manual observation and a infra-red reader) that are confounded by the carboxyhemoglobin that forms from the CO that has been inhaled. Pretty unimpressed – our GP was livid. (This is one recommended protocol). Oh, and our gas hob when we got checked out – as we were not sure if we had left it on, or it had been misbehaving, turned out to have never been safe, got decertified and the pipe cut at the regulator. So we’re cooking on a portable induction hob for now.

When we moved to Rangiora I was travelling a lot more, Christchurch itself had poorer air quality than Rangiora, and our financial base was a lot smaller. Now, Rangiora’s population has gone up nearly double (13k to 19k conservatively – and that’s ignoring the surrounds that use Rangiora as a base), we have more to work with, the air situation in Christchurch has improved massively, and even a busy years travel is less than I was doing before Cynthia came along. We’re looking at moving – we’re not sure where yet; maybe more country, maybe more city.

One lovely bright spot over the last few years has been reconnecting with friends from school, largely on Facebook – some of whom I had forgotten that I knew back at school – I had a little clique but was not very aware of the wider school population in hindsight (this was more than a little embarrassing to me, as I didn’t want to blurt out “who are you?!”) – and others whom I had not :). Some of these reconnections are just light touch person-X exists and cares somewhat – and that’s cool. One in particular has grown into a deeper friendship than we had back as schoolkids, and I am happy and grateful that that has happened.

Our cats are fat and happy. Well mostly. Baggy is fat and stressed and spraying his displeasure everywhere whenever the stress gets too much :(. Cynthia calls him Mr Widdlepants. The rest of the time he cuddles and purrs and is generally happy with life. Dibbler and Kitten-of-the-wild are relatively fine with everything.

Cynthia’s violin is coming along well. She did a small performance for her classroom (with her teacher) and wowed them. I’ve been inspired to start practising trumpet again. After 27 years of decay my skills are decidedly rusty, but they are coming along. Finding arrangements for violin + trumpet is a bit challenging, and my sight-reading-with-transposition struggles to cope, but we make do. Lynne is muttering about getting a clarinet or drum-kit and joining in.

So, 2019. Whew. I hope yours was less stressful and had as many or more bright points than ours. Onwards to 2020.